Chapter 3. Wycliffe the speaking dog

"So how long have you been able to speak?" Wayne questioned his faithful dog.

"All my life," replied Wycliffe. Wycliffe was a golden retriever.

"Why didn't you say something earlier then? I've had you as a pet for nearly ten years and all that time only woofs, barks and a few attention-seeking whimpers are all that I have heard."

"Sorry," replied the dog. "I meant to say that I have only ever talked to other dogs before. It is only in the last few hours that I have been able to communicate with a human. I never really thought it all that necessary to be honest. What would I have said to you anyhow, 'Can you take me for a walk?' 'Can you open a can of dog food please?' 'Can you throw that stick again?' 'Why do you keep picking up my shit?' Not worth it."

"I suppose not," replied Wayne,  "But why is it possible now? What has happened to make it all change? There must be a reason behind it?"

"Well," replied Wycliffe, "It is not only I who have been bestowed with this sudden ability to talk human. It is all of Dogkind. In fact, the Secret Canine Council are in talks this very minute discussing the matter. It is rumoured that the Wolves of the North were the first to discover their new found characteristic* and then the St. Bernards and Newfoundlands a little bit farther south, and than eventually dogs like me. The only ones who haven't picked up the trait so far are those shitty little chihuahua ones which people shove in their celebrity handbags."

"How peculiar." said Wayne. "A Secret Canine Council indeed! I've never heard of such an organisation. Are you telling porkies, Wycliffe? I always thought you were a cheeky little mutt."

"No no no. Not at all. This is a very serious matter. The reason you nor any other human have ever heard of them is because they are a secret organisation. More importantly, the council are said to be revolting!"

"Well I guessed that their hygiene levels were pretty low."

"No! Not revolting. Revolting! Against humankind! For years we have been a slave to men and there are many among the council who wish to readdress the balance!"

"Why...Wycliffe. You aren't my slave.. You're my friend. My best friend! You aren't revolting are you?"

"Well I could do with a bath. But after that, you and I must head North and find the source of this strange occurrence. Prepare some provisions, and don't bother with the lead."

"If you say so."

*The first recorded case of a human-speaking dog was a husky by the name of Carl. It said to his master 'Its a bit too cold to go out in the snow today, don't you reckon?' The master was so shocked, that he had a heart attack and died. The dogs then ate him for dinner.